Madlodies♫

//Tuesday, January 26, 2010 3:35 PM

I am slowly walking out..

Yesterday I was pondering about the many things which have happened so recently..it was tormenting, it was frightful. It's the devil coming straight into my face, at any moment ready to crush me into pieces that i can never piece myself up again. He pounded me hard, real hard. I felt I was in fear and torment everyday and he continues to laugh at me. He scoffs and he tells lies. My whole personality was messed up and i felt depression is pulling at my leg again. And then i hear those voices that kept ringing in my ears and mind. I cannot even think properly, I am going crazy. Once I talk about it, I will get really emotional. I would often cry. It's like I am standing on the edge, about to fall anytime. Seriously at one point, I felt life was meaningless, hopeless and confused. I hate feeling like this. Some days, I am just wearing a smile...unconsciously.

One day, viva la vida just came ringing into my mind...that's weird, i never really listen much to this song except through streets when i walked pass or cafes or some random events I have been to. And my sister casually made a remark, hey that song has lots of meaning inside. So I went to check out the lyrics. As I listened to the song with my heart, it gives you a surge of hope and excitement about life. Viva la vida means Long Live Life!or Celebrate Life! Coincidentally, these two words just popped into my mind sometime ago too. That's so like it...very christened and i feel that this song also sings about a person who had lived the dream but somehow it was wasted away.

http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=11520

Chris Martin from Coldplay said that the song was inspired by Frida Kahlo. A famous mexican painter. "She went through a lot of shit, of course, and then she started a big painting in her house that said 'Viva la Vida.' I just loved the boldness of it."

I loved her spirit too. A few days ago, I went to kinokuniya to unwind. As I step in, i saw a new book about Michael Jackson again. Often, situations like this makes me want to think that it's a mini surprise God has planned..though that may sound ridiculous but anyway of course I grabbed a copy of it, have the permission of the counter assistant to sample the book, and then quietly sneaked away to a corner. I am happy at this moment of time. As I sat down and flip through the pages, reading about Michael Jackson and seeing the pictures of how he grew up, I really admired and adored this man. The gifts of God simply flow out freely from him. He is connected to God. So unpretentious, caring, fun, kind, gentle, genius, full of passion & love...and the list goes on. Compared to all that he had suffered, I felt mine was nothing. I was so engrossed in my own thoughts until i got distracted by some giggles from the back. There was a little boy, about 2 or 3 years old, he was standing from afar, giggling and smiling at me. I waved back but his dad said " don't disturb jiejie.." I thought it was perfectly ok, i was not disturbed at all, in fact I wished he could smile at me more. So after a few exchange of hellos, waving, flying kisses and goodbyes to the baby boy, the father finally tried to walk him away. I went back to my book, for a few minutes I was thinking will he come back? haha and yes he came back again, fumbling towards my direction. This time his mother was with him instead but she was so kind and allowed him to walk all the way to me. My heart just melted with the innocent smile on this cute chubby face. His eyes seem to be saying something and then he handed me a book he was holding. It was a book from kinokuniya, something about photography, unwrap with a price tag. Of course his little mind will not know that this should not be a present in our first meeting but certainly this gesture tells alot. I felt I was so accepted and befriend by this little boy. And he was so happy when i took the book from his hands. He quickly turned and wanted to get another one for me but then his mother just carried him off. She must have thought that her kid had disturbed me but I was so touched.

MJ used to said this and I totally agreed , children just accept you for who you are on the inside even if you have changed on the outside. After that I went to the borders. I did my regular browsing and checking out new materials till it was about to closed. It was 5 minutes to 11pm and the cashier counters were shutting down. A thought just came to me, " hey why not get that book "rawmoves?" Without any hesitation, I just quickly walked back and chose a nicely wrapped up copy. "Rawmoves" is a pictorial book on nudity by photographer James Housten. I loved the angles, the skin, the emotions and style portrayed by the leading dancers of Australia, Sydney. I love subjects on nudity, I think it's the human art and beauty created by God in it's "barest" form. It's magic. It inspires me to go back painting and drawing again. I have not been doing so for a long time.. just felt so drained to do even what i liked.

Well, today I am listening to this song by Coldplay inspired by Frida Kahlo, she was a lady who met with a devastating accident that nearly destroyed her life, during those painful periods of recovery, she channeled all her pains and time into drawing and painting. I really feel that God is telling me, " Hey Helen, go back and do what you used to like alot and is passionate about, you still have a long life to live! Viva la vida." It must be from God.

Thank you my da jie and mummy and baby is with me all these while orelse I really cannot make it already. When I can barely walk, you are always there beside to carry me so i could stand up and walk again.

Thanks Ian, you are the greatest ZS in the world. You believed in me when i find it so hard to believe in myself & You always do. Thank you for your love, patience, faith and everything!

Thank you Liwei! You are an angel to me when i needed someone the most.

Thank you Xiaowei and Jo, you made me realised that I am not alone and I can have courage again.

Thank you to all my wonderful friends, you know who you are...yes you who are reading this, for your encouragement and love and the little gifts that always come just in time when I needed them.

& Thank you Jesus, you are the love of my life and nothing will ever change this. Because of you, I know I can walk out of this shadow which almost swallowed me. Because of you, I can wake up and see the sun again. You saved me. Thank you so much.

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

1 Corinthians 10:13

Love,
Qiting

//Wednesday, January 20, 2010 4:37 PM

Do you have dreams you would like to sell?


Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat...drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost...
And what you had...
And what you lost


Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say...Women...they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean...you'll know


Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and...
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness...
Like a heartbeat...drives you mad...
In the stillness of remembering what you had...
And what you lost
What you had...
And what you lost


Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say...Women...they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean...you'll know

//Friday, January 15, 2010 6:11 PM

Second day nothing

Jonas Burgert

Second Day Nothing by Jonas Burgert is a monumental work with a narrative that recalls the cataclysmic worlds of Flemish master Hieronymus Bosch (c. 1450 - 1516). Equally accomplished in the command of space and mood through color, Burgert presents a fantastic scene of figures caught in the aftermath of what appears to be an urban accident. A hole in the plaza grid reveals an acidic green liquid. While people are struggling to escape or have succumbed to their fight, others are busy collecting the spill in buckets. Burgert’s work shows the disparity in human nature when faced with a crisis and suggests underlying personal meaning and broader interpretations.

//Thursday, January 7, 2010 3:33 PM

我期待

我期待
有一天我会回来
回到我最初的爱
回到童贞的神采

我期待
有一天我会明白
明白人世的至爱
明白原始的情怀

我情愿
分合的无奈能换来
春夜的天籁

我情愿
现在与未来能充满
秋凉的爽快

say goodbye say goodbye

前前后后
迂迂回回
地试探

say goodbye say goodbye
昂首阔步
不留一丝遗憾

//Friday, January 1, 2010 3:33 AM

春夜的天籁

太阳的最后一丝光沉入地底

遥远的星亮了

我轻轻踏上这条小路

晚风轻吹

虫儿低语

兰花草散发着清幽香气

我静静的坐下来-

在年轻音乐家的墓地

他毕生的追求

我一世的痴迷

彼此的灵魂成为知己

星光下

他陪我聆听

尘世间最轻柔的夜曲

我知道

那是他在天上

写下的旋律